Ch. One

a nd it clouds my mind again, the same guilty thoughts that run through my mind like flood waters in the middle of the night. I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't laugh, and I definitely can't find a way to forgive myself. I feel lost and alone, the only one left to save me will be me. And when that day comes, I'm not entirely sure I am strong enough to survive.

It seems as though everything I have in my life is slipping through my hands and just like that, my vision grows dim. I can't seem to recall the last time I felt like this, the ache that doesn't seem to go away and the never-ending heartache. It would be different if it was only mine.

I surround myself with darkness and loneliness for the simple reason I cannot take knowing everyone's thought, move, and how they are feeling at the time. Honestly, I enjoyed my life a lot more not knowing things I know now. It's cost me a lot of things in my life--but as someone once said, honesty is the best policy.

The nights are always the worst. Especially laying next to someone. Knowing if they are wanting me there or not. It seems more of a task just trying to be content than it is worth.

I wake every morning with the same routine. I shower, eat breakfast, get ready for work, work eight hours, come home, clean, and take a nap. I have no social life because of who I am. I have no one other than my close family. And even those visits are few and far in between. I stopped trying to find hobbies because other things take up more time than needed. I barely have time to enjoy a relaxing evening--I actually forgot what that is.

 I am a very unique person, I have known this all of my life but little did I know how much my life would change when I started to use my ability. Now that I have introduced myself, Jane Anna-lee Jones, I can begin to tell my story.